For Husband and Dads

Many men today are hurting. Their careers aren’t turning out the way they planned or, what’s sometimes worse, they are. Their marriages are not working the way they’re supposed to, many times their kids don’t seem appreciative, and they’re up to their receding hairlines in financial problems.

Men are tired mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually tired. Not only men tired, they often have a lingering feeling something isn’t quite right about their lives. Many times men’s lives are not turning out the way they planned.

All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end…. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves. Every man seeks the same ultimate thing. He wants to experience joy in his life. He may call it by many names: happiness, success, contentment, fulfillment, pleasure, delight, significance, purpose and meaning.

The question is, how does this pleasure, this fulfillment, this joy come to a man? A man’s life consists of his relationships and his tasks. Of utmost importance to men are their relationships with God, their wives and their children.

Our generation has a tumor on its soul we might term “success sickness”. It is the disease of always wanting more, and never being satisfied when we get it. “Success sickness” is the intangible pain of not achieving goals that should have never been set, or achieving them only to find they did not really matter.

The greatest problem we see is not that men are failing to achieve their goals. They are achieving them. The problem is they are the wrong goals. Many men get what they want only to find it doesn’t matter. In fact, we could say failure means to succeed in a way that doesn’t really matter.

The unhappy result is that many men today are struggling with problems that success can’t solve. Michael Novak points out, “The aftertaste of affluence is boredom.”

The most highly contagious virus known to men is the rat race. The rat race is the endless pursuit of an ever increasing prosperity that ends in frustration rather than contentment. Francis Schaeffer said that most people have adopted two impoverished values: personal peace not wanting to be bothered with the troubles of others, and affluence of life made up of things, things and more things.
---

Here comes the 2nd chapter:

As a result of the rate race, many men have been knocked off balance. Painful questions knife thought their thoughts, “What’s it all about? How can I be so successful and so unfulfilled at the same time? Is this all there is?” The rat race charges an expensive toll. It takes everything you have to give.

Perhaps the greatest weakness men face at the turn of the 21st century is that they tend to lead unexamined lives. To lead an unexamined life means to rush from task to busy task, but not call enough time-outs to reflect on life’s larger meaning and purpose.

The price of PACE is PEACE. They are not thinking deeply about their lives. Buffeted by the whipping winds of daily pressure, tossed about like a bobbing cork by surging waves of change, they long for the sure-footed sands of simpler days, but with scarcely a clue about how to reach such a distant shore.

Many men turn into Cultural Christians. Cultural Christianity means to seek the God “we want” instead of the God “who is”. It is the tendency to be shallow in our understanding of God, wanting Him to be more of a gentle grandfather type who spoils us and lets us have our own way. Men who are cultural Christians read their Bibles with an agenda, if they read them at all. They decide in advance what they want, and then read their Bibles looking for evidence to support the decisions they have already made. In short, they follow the God they are underlining in their Bibles.

They practice a kind of “Spare Tire Christianity” they keep Jesus in the trunk just in case they have a flat tire. They have made a plan for their lives. Their credo is, “PLAN, then PRAY.” Their lives are shaped more by following the herds of commerce (businessmen) than the footsteps of Christ.

When we run in the rat race, lead an unexamined life, and become Cultural Christians we must fight off three lethal viruses at the same time. No wonder so many of us feel what Soren Kierkegaard called “the sickness unto death.” If we are not careful, it can be a terminal illness.

If “success sickness” is to reach our goals only to discover they don’t really matter, how can we find “success that matters”? First, we must reach a turning point. The turning point of our lives is when we stop seeking the God “we want” and start seeking the God “who is”.

No man will sense he has been truly successful unless he can honestly answer “yes” to all of the following 10 questions:

1. Am I growing in faith and love for the Lord Jesus every day?
2. Am I actively helping my family grow in their faith in Christ?
3. Am I making a significant contribution in my church?
4. Am I doing everything possible to help my children become responsible adults?
5. Al I building a strong, loving marriage?
6. Am I investing in other people’s lives as a friend, counselor, accountability partner, and mentor?
7. Am I a good provider?
8. Am I living a life of integrity and good deeds?
9. Am I performing fulfilling work?
10. Will I go to heaven when I die?